Dear Sherlock
by nophie
Summary: John has left a letter to Sherlock. Warning Character Death. T because im paranoid


**hiya guys! first story, oooooohhh. anyway, johns dead and this is the letter he's sent to sherlock.**

**review if you have the time please, then i would know how to improve! ta duck.**

**noph**

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Dear Sherlock,

If your reading this, then I guess this is it. The surgery has failed, and I'm dead. Making a deduction here, but I might have been dead for about three hours now.. Definitely no longer than five. I'mgoing to explain this deduction to you, becauseI know you like it when I deduct, and you especially like it when I am right! Okay, so if my surgery failed, it would maybe take about half an hour after trying to restart my heart for them to clean me up and break the news to you, as you're my next of kin. (Still cannot believe you told them we were engaged! Cheeky bugger, what would Sarah say?) Knowing you, you'd demand to see my body and take my pulse yourself, to check the trained medical professionals haven't got it wrong. And refuse to leave me, like I refused to leave you after The Great Game explosion. Mycroft would have came and collected you and bought you to the flat. you might be a bit in shock, and so will have come upstairs to my room. (which I know you do by the way, when I'm reading or writing my blog in my room, and I'm especially quiet, you'll come up onto the landing to check if im breathing. If I catch you, you merely say you are using the bathroom, which I know is a lie!) You will have seen this letter, resting on the edge of my made bed. (army never leaves you, you know.) and you will have opened it.

My deduction right? Of course it is. Well I wont ever know if it isn't to be fair, will I? Anyway, I want you to know that it was the right time for me to go. The tumour gave me massive headaches, and my leg has been playing up recently. (Too stubborn to use the cane though! Mentally I know I don't need it, just my leg bloody hurts.) My eyesight was going all funny, and I didn't even want to eat anymore. (Shock horror! I felt like you! I couldn't even stomach a slice of Mrs Hudson's bake well tart!) I am happy that I'm dead really, being the coward that I am. But I'm not an invalid, I think I would rather be dead than be a vegetable, but I'm sorry, it doesn't seem like a very dignified way to go. If that was the case, I'd left you another letter asking you to euthanize me. Pleasedon't read it know, as it will cause much more pain than it needs to, and it explains in medical detail, and what the surgeons can do. I know you're angry with them, the surgeons. But they did their best, and sometimes the best isn't good enough. I mean, you may not believe me but it is very difficult to perform a craniomitry to remove a tumour the size of a ping pong ball in the right cerebral hemisphere. Trust me, I am. No, i mean i was a doctor, and a bloody good one at that!

I am actually really scared Sherlock. Believe it or not. Mr tough guy army man is scared of dying. When i was on the battlefield, i wasn't so scared, because i didn't know for sure that i was going to die. But now i do, and I'm actually wetting my pants in fear. Its not knowing whats going to happen that does it, who i'm going to meet. Well, its more a case of if im gonna meet people. What if i get reincarnated? I'd like to come back as a fish. Any type of fish, not a cod or anything though. Dont want to die too soon. Actually, forget that, i want to be a human. But like a different type of human, maybe like from the far east. I'd like to be Chinese i think, not that i'd have to change my height much. I'd have to learn to eat with chopsticks then, unlike you who can do everything perfect straight away!

I'mgoing to miss things, which I find is weird, because I don't know whats going to happen to me. I'm still alive when im writing this, so its hard trying to think of all the stuff I love. I think I'm going to miss general happiness, laughter, and when I say laughter, I mean proper belly laughs. I'm going to miss watching films on rainy days, rugby, helping people, smell of freshly cut grass, socialising, Bake well Tart, beer, sleep, good TV, sex, breathtaking views, watching people smile, human contact, catching bad guys and generally being alive.

I'm not going to lie, I'm Gonna miss people too. (sounding more like a girl as we get further into this letter!) You, Mrs Hudson, Sarah, Lestrade, Molly, Mike, the rugby lads and dare I say it? Mycroft. Hes going to be a big help to you now, so take it. And please say thank you, once in a blue moon, deep down, deep, deep, _deep down, your brother is alright. But if you ever want to shut him up or make him go away, just tell him 'i know.' and he'll scarper! (Doctor patient confidentially- sorry, otherwise I'd tell you!) he's so embarrassed with the whole fiasco that he might not bother you for a while. _

You know who I' m going to really miss? You might not expect it but I'm really going to miss Mrs Hudson, she's like my Mam. And I hope, just hope that she felt like I was her son. I'm going to miss watching crap telly with her, us both moaning about our various aches and pains, her calling be dear, me taking her to the shops and her buying me a cup of tea and a cake when we stop on the way home and I think I'mreally going to miss her constant reminder that she is 'our landlady, not your house keeper.' she likes you, you know. When she first saw you, she thought you were astonishingly attractive so you would have a different lady back each night, but when there were no ladies, or men, she worried. She was always happy that you had me. I imagine that she will be just upset, or even possibly more upset than you now, so that may lead to excess fussing and being your 'housekeeper just this once' but be good to her Sherlock, she is one truly amazing woman.

Lestrade- the _silver fox as Sarah, Molly and Mrs Hudson call him. Mrs Hudson confessed to me that she has a teensycrush on the detective inspector. (crap, would have been wise not to tell you that. don't annoy her! Or play match maker either, that could be hideously wrong.) I know that he's always been slightly jealous of me, tell him when you see him that I'm not angry. (and if you could let it slip that I'm more observant than I look.) I remember the first time I met him, me and himdressed in that terrible blue overall, you waltzing about all coat and scarf. He'd somehow managed to get my number and had asked me out on a date within two hours! Hes bisexual, encase you hadn't deducted that, which I know for a fact you hadn't! Be nice._

_Molly, Molly, Molly. Your harsh to her sometimes. Actually, I mean all of the time. You use her and hopefully, she'll stand up to you one day! (expect it! I wrote very persuasive email to her a while back, hoping she would get round to standing up to you when I was alive, I wanted to see it!) Accept her words, and possibly say sorry. If she still doesn't have a man in her life, introduce her to Lestrade. She would love him, and he would love her. Both of them fancied you, you know? That Jim thing really hurt her, she's so naive, thought she had someone that loved her. Treat her nicely. Or nicely for you. _

_Then there's Mike, and the rugby lads. I'm going to miss the talks about who was on page three this morning and how good your sex life is at the moment. I'm going to miss getting so pissed with Mike that when we stagger out of the pub, I sing so loudly and out of tune while Mike pukes his guts up. Gonna miss rugby. Love it, would love the lads to go to Twickenham this year, each year there is planning but we never got round to it. Please suggest it to them at my funeral._

_Harry. She will be gutted, other than you, she is only person that will receive a letter from me, after im dead. Im trusting you to deliver it personally also. I would prefer it if you didn't, but you can read it, I wont be angry. Its in my top drawer in my bedside table, hidden beneath the gun and a pack of condoms. Harry is going to horrific and you know why? She didn't even know I had a brain tumour. I was to much of a coward to tell her. How can you tell your baby sister that you have basically 3 weeks to live before you have a life threatening operation that is a 67% you might not live through. My baby sister, I should be there, to protect her, to love her. To walk her down the aisle if she gets remarried to Clara. She has no family left now. Oh Sherlock, her Christmas. Its going to break her, what if she has already bought me a present? I love her, you know. I may not act like it, but every time I see her, I think of when we was younger, and we had rode our bikes in the street. Once Harry fell over, and I remember sticking a plaster on her knee and cuddling her until she was better. My little baby sister. Introduce her to Mrs Hudson please, I could see a blossoming friendship, and she will need another Watson to mother now I'm gone._

_Man, I'm going to miss Sarah. You didn't like her, but you respected her. I'm proud of you for that. I know your not one for sharing. It may be hard to believe, but she liked you too! She thought what you did was so noble, so brave. I didn't mention the unruly hours you work though! Im going to miss kissing, and cuddling and sex and basically human contact. I was going to pop the question if I was still with her in April. I was planning a romantic trip to Monte Carlo and France to ask her. (Yes, we did seMonte Carlo on James bond, and Sarah said 'oh I'd love to go there!') I wanted to grow old with her, Sherlock, but I wanted to grow old with you too. We had talked about having children as well. If we had ended up having children, you'd be godfather. (You'd be useless at it! But, it's the thought.) She doesn't have a letter from the grave. ( I feel when I say this, I need to have a grey light shone into wherever your reading this, and spooky music that sounds like an 80's horror film gone wrong.) I thought it would be better if it was a clean break for her, she could move on. Find someone new, discuss children and marriage and love and have pancakes for tea with somebody else. _

_I know you wont though. Everyone told me from the start of our relationship (makes us seem like we are a couple, still can't avoid this after death!) I really don't know where to start. Maybe the deductions. I'm going to miss them, there brilliant, amazing and often hilarious. When where on train or and when you text me humours deductions about surrounding people, I often find I have drawn blood from my lips from trying not to laugh. Its embarrassing! Im going to miss watching you shout at the television, which is utterly hilarious! (wish I had recorded it so I could show you!) Im going to miss chasing all over London after criminals and then feeling that rush after you do. Hearing you sing, listening to you play violin and how bitchy you are about Mycroft are other things imgoing to miss. Its hard to explain what else I'm going to miss, so im going to be very vague and just say you. I'll let you deduce what you want from that what you like. You were my best friend, and I'd like to think I was yours, even though you say you don't have friends. You did. You had me. Your going to fucked for a couple of days, trust me. Don't do anything stupid Sherlock, stay away from cocaine. One thing I actually request other than delivering this letter to Harry is that you take care. This means eating, at least once every day even if it just is a couple of biscuits. Once every three days visit Mrs Hudson for a feed, she will love to do it. Well I think that's everything covered. My funeral is already sorted out, please be pleasant and I would like you to do a speech. Don't mention any of this letter to anyone mentioned. This stays between us, please. Im not really sure how to end this without sounding like a idiot!_

_In my therapist meetings, it says I had trust issues. I think I've got over them now, as I think. Know, that I trust someone. That someone is your, Sherlock Holmes._

_See you soon mate. JW. _


End file.
